Stories Shared: God

Category: Stories

Good Morning Friends,

Morning thoughts, I wish to invite you to explore my thoughts/experiences & feelings, I associate with the word:  God.

My struggles with God are rooted from most early experiences;

When my baby brother died (at age 2/3), unable to understand ‘Why’ God would take him.

When, I was sexually abused by my cousin; he said:  “Do not tell anyone or God will ‘Punish’ you & ‘Put” you in Hell.

Learning Religion, God was taught as Mean/Judgemental/Punishing/Expecting Compliance with Commandments (Church’s Expectations/Respecting Authority or those in Power Positions as being the intermediary between One & God)/Abusive (Stories of torture/pain/punishments).  Thought to Fear—God. Thought not to Question & Challenge & Disrespect-God (Church/Clergy). Taught, one must Confess All Transgressions (as a child expected to go to Confessions/I remember making up ‘Sins’ during this practice).  Taught, one must Seek & Ask for Forgiveness (Through Confession with a Clergy hiding behind a screen of invisibility).  Taught, one must ‘Receive’ forgiveness in order to remain in God’s good graces/to be Saved & Allowed to Enter The Everlasting Life/Heaven.

Growing up with my ‘Father’;

Well, he shared/portrait the same qualities; Judgemental/Abusive/Punishing/Expecting/Demanding.

Leaving me with the same confusion; Pain & Suffering.  Certainly, nothing ‘loving’.

Funny share;

About two years ago, going to the emergency & being told, I needed an emergency surgery & asked if I wanted to see a ‘Priest’. I recall feeling angry, not sure if I was feeling ‘Anger’ towards myself for not having practiced religion for the past 30+ years or with God.  Certainly, feeling ‘Unworthy’ to see a priest & ask for forgiveness (Clearly, I wasn’t worthy of such ‘Kindness’).  Despite, knowledge; I wasn’t likely to live through the surgery; I chose not to seek/ask for forgiveness.

Lastly (about two years ago), experiencing betrayal by someone clocked in cardinal red colours.

Interestingly; All these experiences build/paint a picture & perhaps, help me & you to understand some of the main reasons for my ‘struggle’ with God.

Forward. Now.

I Chose to Investigate my thoughts & beliefs on God.

I Chose to Redefine the concept of God.

Perhaps, I was Blessed with Grace/Certain Deeper Inner-Knowing  “God”.

Perhaps, it would demand too much inner effort & energy to ‘Redefine” & “Rewire” My Mind & Re-Build My Subconscious Mind & Re-Build My Definition/Concept & Beliefs around the word; God.

I, Choose; Devine.

Devine seems to present a concept that better aligns with my Inner-Knowing & Inner-Insights & Inner-Awareness about ‘God’.

Within my Concept/Definition; Devine:

Inclusive

Magical

Mystical

Powerful

Flowing/Moving/Dancing

Unconditional

Interplay between All Things (Tangible/Sense-based & Supernatural/Mystical)/Good & Bad/Darkness & Light/Positive & Negative Experiences & States of Being & Spectrum of Feelings.

Choice & Opportunity to Choose/No Demands & No Expectations.

Possibility of Infinite Potential & Opportunity.

Feminine & Masculine (Father & Mother & Another/Friend).

All Elements & Connection & Codependence & Reciprocity & Sharing/Gifting.

No Judgements. Every Moment in Life ‘needed’ to build the next moment.

Perfect Perfection.

Awe.

No Requirements.

No Prerequisites.

No Need for Forgiveness.

***Rooted in Love & Light.

Nurturing & Sustaining & Compassionate.

 

Part 2.  Story Shared will speak of how I fit into this Inner-Knowing;

I Am A Vessel.

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