Need for Safety

Category: Stories

Good Morning Friends,

Today’s, reflective thoughts sparked by my friend Triana;

Have you ever been around someone who really listens to you?  Like you are talking to them + then at some point realize they’re really hearing you. Isn’t it one of the best feelings ever?  In that moment, realizing their listening to you intently, caring about how you’re doing + what you’re expressing, in that moment you feel like you matter, like you are important ✨.  


Once, within my life, I had experienced such a moment & found it most confusing actually.  3 years ago, after my last trauma (sexual assault that cascaded much prior trauma & dissociation & disconnect).

… I was sharing my trauma (sexual assault) experience/story with someone; 

At some point, I became aware, I could See & Feel ‘Pain’ in the depths of their eyes.  

Confused, I found myself ‘looking’ deeper & deeply into their eyes and ‘seeing’ pain. 

I recall; looking for a while & trying to understand. Understand, the depth of pain in their eyes & my ‘Need’ lingering need to See The Pain Within their eyes. While at the same time, judging myself quite harshly (what kind of human being am I wanting/needing to See The Pain in Another!?).   Within being dissociated (& disconnected) my cognitive functioning being ‘Off’ Line/Access; impossible to make sense of anything. 

Later, much later, as my dissociative & disconnected self began to ground & connect—I ‘understand’. 

I Needed to See & Feel My Own Pain & Within The Eyes of Another My Own Pain was Reflected/Shown to Me (Connecting Me With My Own Pain).  

Connecting Me to Me!!!  

Connecting Me to Another!  

Profound & Powerful Experience. 

Yet, most Rare. 

This moment was most profound in my experience & is reflected in a poem I wrote back then. Invite to read. Poem:  


Before One can Enter Into Exploring The Pain Within & Heal All Wounds;

It is imperative; One first Creates SAFETY. 

Safety within One’s Environment. Unless One has a Safe Environment/Sanctuary/Safe Place to BE -One’s Physical Body will Not Allow the next step to unfold (for it will remain in a trauma response/defence mechanism/stress response/survival mode of Being). 

Creating ‘Safe Sanctuary’ is where The Healing Journey Begins. The place you can Rest & Lean into Within The Safe Embrace. 

Safe Place!? What does this mean!?

As I reflect back on this imperative beginning I am aware of this:

*Removing Self (Doesn’t have to be a lifelong commitment/temporary) from All Contacts & Relationships (yes, including family members too) that Cause/Create & Trigger a Survival Response/Stress Reaction/Implosive Thoughts Racing Within Mind/Fear/Anxiety/Unsafe Feelings). 

I am suggesting, One Cannot Heal in Such an Environment. I understand logistics; should this not be an available solution at the moment/creating & securing Alone Time perhaps Outside The Context/Environmental (Nature is a great healing place/parks/by the water). 

Sanctuary & Sanctuaries;  through my Intuitive Healing Journey; I created sanctuaries everywhere in my place (balcony/every room of my place).  My sanctuaries are filled with cozy comfort & invite (pillows & blankets & essential oils scents & sage & crystals as tools to remind & offer grounding & singing bowls to bring me back into my physical body. 

Creating Safety is a Practice for Me & when I am aware of being Triggered or Disconnected and out of Harmony/Balance Within—I Return Back to The Basics!!! Safety. Grounding Self In My Physical Environment (Here & Now ). Reminding Myself;  I Am Safe (Here & Now).  Subsequently, Connecting Myself Within (My Mind & My Body & Heart/Soul). 


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